Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
