she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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