:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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