like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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