so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
