I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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