i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize