@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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