A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
