Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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