we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
