I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
