Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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