I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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