Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize