Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
