the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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