I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
