Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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