chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
