TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
