oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize