i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everclear isn't food dammit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize