You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
