Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
