Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
