you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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