it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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