Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
