I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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