I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We don't watch enough power rangers
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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