well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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