Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
