I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
