bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
