see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love you.
Bad choice
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