dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
