I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
