Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
