there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize