You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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