You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
