The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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