my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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