Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
false alarm, still single
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
