I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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