Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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