why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
