I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hippo gnu deer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
