Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
