Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
