i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize