i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
