I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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