I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
