Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
