Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
