Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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