FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
