1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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