Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
