Sry I called you an 8
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
