I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
