So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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