hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
