i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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