You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
