So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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