Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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