there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
